And wriggling!

Do you know how the polygamist redneck hippy counts his wives?

1 mrs hippy, 2 mrs hippy, 3 mrs hippy

Make them work for the punchline.

Its true. This is a common tailoring question for men. Nothing to do with being fondled and everything to do with the pants fit. If you are getting measured like this for expensive pants your going to get nudged a bit anyways when they do the inseam measure.

Or a 70k job to watch garbage tv.

Because uprooting their life to prove a random stranger wrong would be a figuratively bigger disaster than the event in reference.