Gice him the ‘real’ renting and charge 27% of his salary, 49% if you’re in/near London. Add 1/7 of your gas/elec/phone bill and you’re there!

Pick up a hobby. Boardgames are good and come with literal rules on how to interact with the other humans (presumed) at the table

Say it with me -

This is my trolley. There are many like it but this one is mine. My troller is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my trolley is useless. Without my trolley I am useless. I must steer my trolley true. I must steer straighter than my enemy, who is trying to get discounted meat quicker than me. I must get it from him before he gets it from me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my trolley and myself are defenders of my shopping, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviours of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

Hello, I’m left alone for an evening and I’m watching Star Trek Voyager naked eating a red sauce butty