I know you said you can’t do your local box, but there’s no necessity for a static IP to do that. Dynamic DNS is relatively easy to set up, I suppose provided you have a domain name you own (which you can find for very reasonable prices).

It’s a good thing you’re using direct drive. That wouldn’t even fill the bowden on the ender 5.

It’d be real cool if Wisconsin would issue a challenge for people to not drive drunk. That’d be neat, but I guess they want attainable goals?