i don’t really need advice yet, it’s just a question. a girl im friends with acts really odd. we are friends, and we used to talk a lot, but then she started getting quieter, making less eye contact.
she also started being tenser/snippy at times.
when she’s not snippy, she’s just very quiet, which is most of the time. sometimes she’ll scoot over next to me but then scoot away, or act like she wants to sit by me but then goes away.
she doesn’t seem to be acting rude at all or mad at me. she will be nice, like smiling and waving and saying “hello”, or energetic when she can respond over text, so i don’t believe i’ve done anything to hurt her, but it’s just been really odd. what, from your experience, make a friend start acting this way? (especially girl because idk about guy friend behaviors)
most of the time, she acts normal, and i appreciate our friendship, and she seems to not hate me or anything like i said
update: i asked bc i was curious abt her behavior as friends, not just wondering if she liked me or anything even if that’s the impression some of y’all get 😭
Is your friendship close enough that you could just mention some of the behaviour you’ve observed and ask what’s up?
She just says shes fine, its so weird
A bunch of randos on the 'net won’t be able to tell you any better than she can. If she says she’s fine reaffirm your friendship and tell her you’re there if she needs to talk and otherwise carry on. Not much else you can do without jeopardizing the friendship.
I mean I’m a pod person but, how about you literally just say all this to her instead? Ain’t nobody psychic. Assumptions are stupid, get the facts.
ok tysm, last time i tried to ask she just said she was fine
Yeah that’s tough when you run into a wall like that. Maybe just reiterate that something seems up, and then if she refuses to admit that, you can at least expand on your observations and why you think something is up. Ultimately, if she still refuses to talk about things, you have a binary choice to make. Tolerate it, or walk away.
The one thing I’m fairly certain of with women is they are never just “fine”. And if they say they’re “fine”, they most definitely are not.
Agreed, as an AFAB person myself
As others have said, but I want to make more clear, she could be dealing with shit she isn’t ready to share. (Death, Failing Grades, etc)
Reaffirm the friendship. Let them know you are there for them. Ask if they want to do something districting. Hikes, movies, or sit silently looking at the wall.
I was gonna ask if she had gotten herself into an abusive relationship OP doesn’t know about.
It can mean one of six thousand different things, none of which will ever be made clear to you.
it means you have a crush on her
just a lik bit
It sounds like she’s upset about something that involves you in some way. I would just ask her.
Tysm. She always says she’s ok and doesn’t seem upset most of the time. She even acts friendly a lot, like normal :(
I’m sure it’s probably some kind of misunderstanding
How old are you?
Have you considered asking what’s up?
I have, im a teen 😅
Well let me share with you the wisdom of age: often you can just ask someone what’s up.
This also works on dates: you can just ask someone out. You don’t have to go all in your head about it. If only someone had told me when I was a teen, alas.
Thank you so much _ yeah ive asked and she just says shes fine
Oh man. I thought you were saying that you asked her out and she said she was fine.
ah no i just asked her how she was doing bc she seemed upset
You have considered? Or you have asked?
Ive asked
I know you’ve said that you’ve asked her, and she’s stated she’s fine, but I think it matters how you ask. Sit down with her, mention the behaviors you’ve observed, explain how these things make you feel (I assume you’re worried about a friend), and just let her know you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk. Try not to make it too much about yourself, but be honest with your emotions… and try not to offer fixes for anything unless she asks. Myself and a lot of other women aren’t always open with men, even friends, because it can be exhausting dealing with their problem solver personalities; we normally know how to fix things already, but doesn’t mean they don’t weigh on our minds.
Stress is the obvious answer. You won’t be able to guess what is causing it, so don’t start speculating. You can try to impress upon her that you are a safe outlet for that stress if you are able and willing to really be that for her, (Don’t just jump at it because you are curious. You might not like what comes from it, and it’s worse to pull back after the fact than to not offer at all.) or you can just be a source of stability while she works through it herself. Use your best judgement.
She is doing better 😊
I have asked her and she just says shes fine. She also can act completely normal and seems friendly, like shes not upset with me or anything, just normal, and doesnt indicate shes upset besides that, but its really odd. Its like she wants to hang with me but something’s preventing her? She even said i could go to her house so…
As a girl, this reads like positive emotion that makes her feel embarrassed or guilty. Is she in a relationship with someone else? Maybe she’s fighting something she feels towards you.
OP has a crush on her and is trying to know if she’s interested in them as well
my two cents
yeah kinda
but her behavior was also confusing me even in a friend way
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How confident are you that she also sees things as ‘just friends’?
she supposedly likes someone else that she broke up w 2 yrs ago, unless she likes two ppl at once
ig not all ppl are openly flirty when they feel this way but still. i did act avoidant towards my crushes.
if she didn’t see things as just friends, it might explain a lot better, but im not confident, i just assume no
Liking multiple people at once is super common. The love triangle is a trope for a reason.
If you don’t like her then don’t worry about it (other than to maybe pay attention to how you’re acting around her and avoid flirting unintentionally) but if you’re interested in her, maybe try pursuing that? Flirt with her a bit and see if she reciprocates. If she likes you, there’s a good chance she’s been flirting with you and you’ve just been oblivious.
If you’re too shy to intentionally flirt, you could ask her outright, but it’d probably be better to ask her something that hints at your interest, like “I like this girl but I can’t tell if she’s into me - what sorts of signs should I be looking for?” Should be pretty obvious what you’re both saying and asking.
If she’s interested but shy and insecure, this could lead her into a spiral of worry and despair. Better to just say “I really like you” and see how she reacts.
That’s worth considering, but it also needs to be weighed against possibly impacting their friendship if she’s not interested. I also wouldn’t recommend saying he “really likes her” if he doesn’t already like her a lot that way, but even just “I like you” would work just as well.
You make a very good point. I assumed way too much.
